Psalm 95:1-7a.
My Shepherd took my sleep, or I gave it away to why-anxiety. I can’t find a connection with Him. He’s there, and I’m here.
I’ve read Psalm 119 hundreds of times. Always, I’ve been focused on the exaltation of God’s Word, but never on the subtle way David declares stuff like the following:
“I am small and despised: yet do not I forget thy precepts” (v. 141).
“Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delights” (v. 143).
“I cried with my whole heart; hear me, O LORD: I will keep thy statutes. I cried unto thee; save me, and I will keep thy statutes” (v. 145-146). Occasionally, David sets forth a condition for keeping His statutes: “save me.”
“I prevented the dawning of the morning, and cried: I hoped in thy word” (v. 147). (I woke at 3, struggled all morning. It’s now 5:06 am. The dawn is not yet!)
“Mine eyes prevent the night watches, that I might meditate in thy word” (v. 148).
He appears to be saying, Look, nothing has shaken me off from thy Word; I cling to it through all my troubles. David also appears to present his fidelity to God’s Word as a recommendation of himself to God for His help.
Along the still waters, I followed Him, asking one after another question, like a two-year-old. Why? Why? Why? Why?
I asked you to heal Conner. I did it according to thy word (James 5:14-15). Why have you refused to hear and heal? If you say James 4:2-3, I answer 1 John 1:7-9. I know that in me, that is in my flesh, dwells no good thing (Romans 7:18). I know that when I would do good, evil is ever present (Romans 7:21). I acknowledge my sin, and depart from the iniquity (2 Timothy 2:19). If more than this is required, the Word I trust informs me You are merciful, longsuffering, and just. Your Word testifies to your grace and mercy. Why do You not extend that grace and mercy to me in this matter? Why won’t you heal Conner? The doctors advised the young mother and father to kill the child. Death is their remedy! I advised them to choose life. (Although I warrant this young couple would make no other choice.) The doctors warned of this, and their prediction is fulfilled. We came to you and asked you to heal this baby. Why won’t you do it?
But I will not “decline from thy testimonies” (v. 157), I will not “forget thy precepts” (v. 141), though I confess, while I love thy word (v. 140), the bitterness of my grief does make it hard to “delight” in them (v. 143).
In the valley, pacing in the shadows of His Cross, I found no direct answer to my question. I’ve tried every verse that extends a promise inviting faith, but to no avail. I mean, in terms of what I want! God to vindicate His word and this young couple’s faith.
Many saints have walked this path. David often asked Why? (Psalms 10:1, 42:9, 43:2, 44:23, 74:1, 11, 80:12, and 88:14).
Other disciples have been offended by His word and departed from Him (John 6:66; see 1 Timothy 4:1-4; 2 Thessalonians 2:3—Selah!). I felt the Spirit ask, “Will ye also go away?” (John 6:67). I answered, “To whom shall [I] go? Thou hast the words of eternal life. And [I] believe and [am] sure that [Jesus is the] Christ, the Son of the living God” (John 6:68-39). Upon the sound of many waters came the words of Jesus the LORD: “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23). I yielded! And just then, He spoke: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me” (Psalm 22:1; Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34). And He said to me, I said it twice—once in Hebrew (Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?), and again in Chaldee (“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?).
At His table, we communed a while—I had a long list of whys. He anointed my head with His oil and filled my cup with His grace. Goodness and mercy followed more closely than usual as I went with a limping heart into the harvest, Jesus keeping me close to His wounded side.
Praying for revival! 🙏
Going live after I get some rest. Still fighting this cold. It’s frustrating because just about the time I feel it’s behind me, I begin to feel it dragging on me again.
I’ll send the link when the livestream is ready.
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